Of Grief and Faith

The past month has been a difficult one, probably one of the most difficult ones I have ever had to face. I lost my grandfather and my family lost the glue that kept the family together. I've been meaning to write a post as tribute to him but it may be too difficult. Regardless, this post is about my experience with grief and faith.

Worshipping Him has been a challenge. It is particularly challenging because I sense God's presence most during worship and it is the time at which I draw strength from Him the most. But how do I sing phrases like 'O death, where is your sting' in times like this? When I do feel as though death has won, where I feel as though He has failed me, where I feel as though He is not there? 

I wrote a post some time ago about my daily 'Be thankful' reminders that ring on my laptop and my phone at 10pm everyday because I truly believe that thankfulness is the platform upon which worship should be built on. But even that has been a challenge. What do I be thankful for?  

I suppose I wrote this post out of frustration, being frustrated at God but mostly, out of frustration with my faith. 

But I have learnt through this that I am allowed to question His ways and put the blame on Him. If that is the process I have to go through to ultimately learn to trust His ways and to accept them, then so be it. The Bible says that the Lord is close to the broken hearted and I hope that through this, I grow closer to him than ever. 

And this is my devotion.